A Husband & Wife both arrive home from work at the same time, and walk into the house together. After a quick peck on the lips, the following conversation unfolds…
Husband: Hey, baby, want to watch a few episodes of our show?
Wife: (knowing that this is his way of saying he wants to fool around…) Sure, sounds good to me. Just let me grab a quick shower and I’ll meet you in the room.
Wife takes a shower and enters the bedroom, still drying herself. Husband is getting undressed and reaching for a towel.
Wife: Here, you can reuse my hair towel if you want. It’s not really even too wet.
Husband: Oh, Ok, thanks. I just need to grab some underwear first.
Wife: Speaking of underwear…the cat made a mess of her food in the bathroom. She pushed it all off the side of the dish onto the floor.
Husband: Yuk! Well, I hope you picked it up. That shit smells! What’s that have to do with underwear?
Wife: Of course I cleaned it up. Well, just in case you go rooting in the dirty laundry basket to sniff my panties, those are what I used to clean up the cat food…I didn’t want you to smell them and think I was having some kind of “problem”.
Husband: Fuck! That’s disgusting! I don’t smell your underwear!
Wife: What? My underwear are not disgusting! Why don’t you smell my underwear? Isn’t that as secret man thing? That, and seeing 2 girls go at it?
Husband: I am not smelling your underwear!
Wife: (shoving them under his nose) Yes! Yes, you are! I am not a smelly kinda girl. Here, I want you to smell them.
Husband: (pushing them away from his face) I am not fucking smelling those.
Wife: (smelling her own underwear) See, do you think if they stunk, I would LET you smell them? Just, for Christ Sake, smell them!
Husband: I AM NOT SMELLING YOUR FUCKING UNDERWEAR!!!
(Husband leaves the room)
Wife sits on the bed holding that days discarded panties. She sniffs them again. They don’t stink. She can’t even smell the cat food she used them to wipe up. She is growing more and more upset. He must not love her. He thinks she’s disgusting. What man wouldn’t WANT to smell his wife’s underwear? Maybe she DOES smell, but doesn’t perceive it as a bad smell? How long has she smelled? Why hasn’t he ever told her? She sags onto the bed defeated. She rubs her panties on his pillow, before throwing them across the room into the dirty laundry basket. Husband returns. He tosses his underwear into the pile on top of hers.
Wife: I can’t believe you don’t love me enough to WANT to smell my underwear!
Husband: What? Where the hell is all this coming from? Of course I love you.
Wife: (Sobbing) You think I smell!
Husband: I do NOT think you smell. If I did, I would tell you!
Wife: Then how come you haven’t?
Husband: Haven’t what?
Wife: Told me that I smell?
Husband: Oh, for fuck sake, YOU DO NOT SMELL! Do you hear me? YOU DO NOT SMELL!
Wife: Then why wouldn’t you want to smell them?
Husband: Because that cat food is disgusting! I can’t stand the smell of it. It’s not you, it’s that fucking cat food!
Wife: (beaming) So, you WOULD smell my underwear?
Husband: Of course, dear.
Wife: (she goes and grabs them from the basket and holds them out to him) Ok, let’s see. Prove it.
Husband: (Completely defeated, he juts his nose closer to the pair of panties she holds out…he sniffs)
Wife: Ha Ha! That’ll teach you to want to sniff my underwear you dirty freaky man! What the hells the matter with you. Now, I have to worry about you digging through and smelling the dirty laundry…I can’t believe this shit! What’s next?
Husband: Get the fuck away from me.
Wife: But I thought we were going to, you know, WATCH OUR SHOW….hint, hint..
Husband: Turn on the show. I need to get a glass of water. Is there something I can do for you?
Wife: Well, I saw a meme on facebook that said that some people may hate you, but others would eat a cupcake out of your ass. Could you do that? Get a cupcake, and eat it out of my ass?
Husband: What the fuck is wrong with you? I am NOT eating a cupcake out of your ass!
Husband leaves the room Wife ponders what he said. Geez, why doesn’t he love her? I mean, what husband wouldn’t WANT to eat a cupcake out of his wife’s ass?????