Private Exchange… between Husband & Wife WARNING: ADULT THEMES!

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A Husband & Wife both arrive home from work at the same time, and walk into the house together. After a quick peck on the lips, the following conversation unfolds…

Husband: Hey, baby, want to watch a few episodes of our show?

Wife: (knowing that this is his way of saying he wants to fool around…) Sure, sounds good to me. Just let me grab a quick shower and I’ll meet you in the room.

Wife takes a shower and enters the bedroom, still drying herself.  Husband is getting undressed and reaching for a towel.

Wife: Here, you can reuse my hair towel if you want. It’s not really even too wet.

Husband: Oh, Ok, thanks. I just need to grab some underwear first.

Wife: Speaking of underwear…the cat made a mess of her food in the bathroom. She pushed it all off the side of the dish onto the floor.

Husband: Yuk! Well, I hope you picked it up. That shit smells! What’s that have to do with underwear?

Wife: Of course I cleaned it up. Well, just in case you go rooting in the dirty laundry basket to sniff my panties, those are what I used to clean up the cat food…I didn’t want you to smell them and think I was having some kind of “problem”.

Husband: Fuck! That’s disgusting! I don’t smell your underwear!

Wife: What? My underwear are not disgusting! Why don’t you smell my underwear? Isn’t that as secret man thing? That, and seeing 2 girls go at it?

Husband: I am not smelling your underwear!

Wife: (shoving them under his nose) Yes! Yes, you are! I am not a smelly kinda girl. Here, I want you to smell them.

Husband: (pushing them away from his face) I am not fucking smelling those.

Wife: (smelling her own underwear) See, do you think if they stunk, I would LET you smell them? Just, for Christ Sake, smell them!


(Husband leaves the room)

Wife sits on the bed holding that days discarded panties. She sniffs them again. They don’t stink. She can’t even smell the cat food she used them to wipe up. She is growing more and more upset. He must not love her. He thinks she’s disgusting. What man wouldn’t WANT to smell his wife’s underwear? Maybe she DOES smell, but doesn’t perceive it as a bad smell? How long has she smelled? Why hasn’t he ever told her? She sags onto the bed defeated. She rubs her panties on his pillow, before throwing them across the room into the dirty laundry basket. Husband returns. He tosses his underwear into the pile on top of hers.

Wife: I can’t believe you don’t love me enough to WANT to smell my underwear!

Husband: What? Where the hell is all this coming from? Of course I love you.

Wife: (Sobbing) You think I smell!

Husband: I do NOT think you smell. If I did, I would tell you!

Wife: Then how come you haven’t?

Husband: Haven’t what?

Wife: Told me that I smell?

Husband: Oh, for fuck sake, YOU DO NOT SMELL! Do you hear me? YOU DO NOT SMELL!

Wife: Then why wouldn’t you want to smell them?

Husband: Because that cat food is disgusting! I can’t stand the smell of it. It’s not you, it’s that fucking cat food!

Wife: (beaming) So, you WOULD smell my underwear?

Husband: Of course, dear.

Wife: (she goes and grabs them from the basket and holds them out to him) Ok, let’s see. Prove it.

Husband: (Completely defeated, he juts his nose closer to the pair of panties she holds out…he sniffs)

Wife: Ha Ha! That’ll teach you to want to sniff my underwear you dirty freaky man! What the hells the matter with you. Now, I have to worry about you digging through and smelling the dirty laundry…I can’t believe this shit! What’s next?

Husband: Get the fuck away from me.

Wife: But I thought we were going to, you know, WATCH OUR SHOW….hint, hint..

Husband: Turn on the show. I need to get a glass of water. Is there something I can do for you?

Wife: Well, I saw a meme on facebook that said that some people may hate you, but others would eat a cupcake out of your ass. Could you do that? Get a cupcake, and eat it out of my ass?

Husband: What the fuck is wrong with you? I am NOT eating a cupcake out of your ass!

Husband leaves the room Wife ponders what he said. Geez, why doesn’t he love her? I mean, what husband wouldn’t WANT to eat a cupcake out of his wife’s ass?????



Ohio BMV Trip 2018


Yeah, Baby!

March 22, 2018

So, my day started with a very crappy realization that practically yanked my ass right outa a nice warm bed. I had forgotten to renew my license plate registration. Having celebrated my birthday two days ago, and this thought never even occurring to me, has me believing that my memory loss is not getting any better. Everyday, I hope for the best, but all this hoping isn’t amounting to a hill of fucking beans. While out shopping with mom the other day, I had to ask her 3 times what my purpose was for leaving the house. Why am I in this store? What did I come here to buy. Drawer pulls. That was her answer all 3 times. Drawer pulls. Then, last night as we watched tv, I had the overwhelming urge to go into the kitchen to do something. I stood up out of my chair, took 2 steps, and wondered what the hell I was doing. Where was I going? Did I have to pee? Did I need another glass of wine? Surely, not yet, cuz the glass next to me was still full. Christ! What the hell am I doing? Ah, ha, I’m off on a tangent…I would have forgotten what I was writing about today Had I NOT written the title at the top of my page. (This is my secret to writing memory success…my cheat…title at top of the page FIRST THING.)

Ok, so there I am, gathering all of my required paperwork that I will need to renew my registration. Knowing I wasn’t going anywhere that I deemed “face ready”, I brushed my teeth, combed my wild hair back and headed out the door. As I did, I caught a sight of my reflection in the picture window at the mop attached to my head. Damn. It looked horrible. Wild and untamed, it was everywhere. Sticking up here, stuck over there. I grabbed a bandana sleeve, covered my untamed tresses and left the house. I’ headed off to my first stop; the Ohio E Check station. Isn’t that place just a joke. I was there long enough to watch as the only worker there hot-rodded my poor Jeep almost through the whole length of the building. I don’t know if she wasn’t adept at driving a stick shift or she just thought Jeep was some kind of synonym for rocket-fucking-ship. I held my comment and my temper in check and talked to the gentleman behind me while Danika Patrick tested my car. After about 5 minutes, I left with my compliance certificate in hand. Next stop, the License Bureau.


“I pointed to the sign that was next to the camera. It said that all facial features must be shown as well as the full forehead. I then pointed to my head and face.”


The sign on the door said you must check in before taking a number. So far, so good. I spoke to the lady at the check-in counter, told her what I needed and she directed me to go stand in line #2. As I walked over, I noticed that there were 4 people ahead of me. Not so bad, I thought. I may just get out of here in record time. As I waited, I went over in my mind what I needed to get the job done. I opened my wallet and took my drivers license out. I looked at it, and noticed that it, too, had expired 2 days ago. What the fuck! I had exactly enough money left this week to get one sticker. I really needed 2, but since the travel trailer is in winter storage, that was $45 that I didn’t have to part with right now. Ugh! Great. Renewing my license was going to be, guess what? Exactly $45. Must be meant to be. So, I finish waiting my turn, and when I get to the counter, the lady tells me that since I needed both renewed, I would have to go back to the check-in desk, take an eye exam, and she would then be able to re-direct me to the proper line to wait in. Trying my damndest to keep my pulse and my breathing in check, I made my way up to the check-in desk. The lady there gave me a puzzled look. I could tell the next thing out of her mouth was going to be nasty, so I beat her to speaking. (I was too close to maiming something at this point….) “Seems that I must renew my drivers license, too.” She smiled, which took me by surprise. Even looked fake as hell. Thinking that she may never know that her smile may just have saved her life, she directed me to the eye machine and rambled on about flashing lights and colored boxes. When that was done, she told me to go wait in line #1. I retraced my steps back to where I had just come from moments before. The woman I spoke to at Counter #2 asked me if I had gone back for the eye exam. When I told her I did, she remarked that it was very quick. I said, “Well, I am kind of a super hero.” I waited another 10 minutes for my turn again. I got to the counter, told the lady what I needed and handed her all the paperwork at once. She was very efficient, and went straight to work. She smiled. I smiled. It was pleasant. As I waited, I looked around the bureau. It wasn’t too busy, but there were a few dozen people there. A big guy wearing a pair of shorts and a tank top. This seemed a bit out of place, but it is Cleveland. In March. At last check, my car reading said 27 degrees. Ha, must be his extra layer of fat. Yeah, sure, I have a few of those myself, and I’m always freezing my ass off. There was a guy in a suit, another guy in sweats, a few giggly girls in yoga pants, grandmas with walkers, and moms with strollers. All had the same damn look on their faces. The man behind me in line smelled half-dead, and the lady next to me wearing a hijab moved away slightly. I assumed his heady manly emanation must have offended her nostrils. The lady asked me if I needed to make any changes to the info on my license. I said that I wanted to change my weight from 280 to 260. As she made the changes, she handed me my new registration sticker, told me to remove my head covering and proceed to the picture taking area. I told her that I wasn’t comfortable taking my head covering off at that time. I pointed to the sign that was next to the camera. It said that all facial features must be shown as well as the full forehead. I then pointed to my head and face. She told me again that I would have to remove my head covering. I again stated that that would NOT be happening. She said I could only wear it for religious purposes or medical reasons. Did I have medical reasons? Well, that is really none of your business. (At this point, I didn’t feel like I needed to tell her that I was having a very bad hair day.) I told her Yes, I did have quite a few medical reasons. She asked me if I was going to remove it. I told her no a third time. She walked away and had a consultation with another woman sitting at a desk a few feet away. When that lady looked up at me, I just smiled the best smile I could muster at that point. It felt genuine, but I’m sure it looked like pre-meditated murder. I gave a slight nod of my head to draw her attention to the lady standing next to me wearing the hijab, who happened to be waiting in the drivers license renewal line. The lady dropped her eyes, and nodded. My lady came back and directed me toward the camera, where I got my picture taken. After wards, I was told to have a seat and it would take a few minutes for the license to process. I found a seat, and watched the lady in the hijab get to the front of the line, get her picture taken. I wonder if she was asked to remove her head covering? I wanted to ask her. When my name was called, I jumped up and practically ran to the counter. I was giddy with excitement. The man handed me the new license and asked me to look it over to make sure all the information was correct. All I could fixate on was the fact that on my new drivers license, that I will have for the next 4 years, has a picture of me wearing a black bandana sleeve.



I feel like I won something.

I feel like I stepped up and took on the establishment.

The man wasn’t keeping me down today!

Take that, Muther Fuckers!

Now, I am in no way racist of anyone, be it color, beliefs, religion, etc. BUT, I do have a problem with fairness. You simply cannot ask one person to do something and not allow others to do the same thing. To me, there is no difference between that lady’s hijab and my hillbilly bandana. I’m sure underneath what she wore, her hair was just as bad as mine, but who gave the Ohio BMV the right to make that call?