Dear McDonald’s

Grand Mac

Dear McDonald’s,

I just wanted to take a quick moment to send you a letter and let you know of the turmoil that your restaurants have caused in my marriage. My husband John is a wonderful man and a good provider for his family. He is a very hard worker, and a very simple man. He doesn’t ask for much, but deserves immeasurably. John has simple tastes. In clothes, in hobbies, in food. For instance, he loves McDonald’s Big Mac’s. Always has. So, imagine his excitement when he saw that you were offering the new Mac line. The Mac, Jr., the original Big Mac, and the Grand Mac. He decided on the Grand Mac at once. I found out how many Grand Mac’s he was enjoying on a weekly basis when he came to me for more gas money after using his allotment for the week.

“What do you mean your out of gas? What did you do with your money?” I asked.

“Well, I did go to McDonald’s a few times.” he said.

“Oh, I see…Grand Mac’s, hu?”

“Yep!”

When I asked how many times a week, he said an average of 3 trips, or so…Ok, so I don’t have an issue with him eating something that he enjoys, so I just gave him more gas money.

John has always been a very impatient and emotional person. He is also very stubborn, too. A few years back when he was living in Indiana, he was asked repeatedly to “pull forward to wait for your fresh fries” at the Hartford City location. Now, Sure, we all know that this is just a small inconvenience to most of us, but to him “Fast food” means FAST FOOD NOW. The last time this happened, he waited over 5 minutes, and when he got them, they were not fresh. They were double-dipped. Old and dried up, but freshly SOGGY. That was it! He made a decision right there and then to not return to ANY McDonald’s for a year!

When he finally did go back, he would no longer pull forward. If the employee asked him to pull forward, he would politely tell them that he “was fine right here”. He would wait right there at the window until he was served. When they told him, “Sir, we have other customers whose order is ready”, he would ask how that was possible when he was before them. Now, I have told him repeatedly not to piss off people BEFORE you get your food for spiteful reasons. I’m sure if none of the people working there at these times didn’t spit in his food, I’m 100% sure they THOUGHT about it! (I would have!)

I have spent the better half of our whole adult relationship hearing and reliving all of the bad experiences he has had with your company as well as a host of others. When some of your restaurants changed their fry supplier a few years back, you would have thought the conspiracy was directed at him personally. “The fries aren’t as long as they used to be! They are small and short.”

Then there was the fiasco taking away the two cheeseburger meal. The list goes on and on.

Now, I am in the midst of the Disaster of 2017, which is really straining an already strained relationship.

Last Saturday, April 22, 2017, we stopped at the restaurant in Berea on our way fishing. He wanted a Grand Mac. I wanted an iced tea. We waited our turn at the counter and he started to place our order. The girl behind the counter spoke up when he mentioned the Grand Mac.

“I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t have the Grand Mac anymore.”

“What?” John said. “No Grand Mac? Well, why the hell not?”

The girl said, “It was only for a limited time.”

John looked at her in wild bewilderment. He asked her if it was a good seller? She assured him that it was a very popular menu item. He then asked her if it was such a popular item, would they NOT continue to offer it. She was dumbfounded. Afterall, she was just some 16 year old kid trying to make a paycheck to pay for her fake nails or her car insurance. She wasn’t in any position to make corporate decisions on what to sell or not to sell. She was speechless. She just kept repeating how sorry she was. “Could I get you something else? We still have our Big Mac?”

John, hands thrown in the air, said, “I don’t want a Big Mac! This is bullshit! I want a Grand Mac!”

John looked at me, and that’s all it took. I could see not only the frustration in his eyes, but the anger that was boiling up from underneath. At this point in our relationship, I didn’t have to be psychic to know what was coming next. I went ahead and ordered him a Double Quarter Pounder, fully aware that it was not going to satisfy him in any way. Not his hunger, his emotional state, or anything else for that matter. I felt beaten. I had looked forward to a good day out fishing, but I knew that my whole weekend just imploded all to hell by the little girl behind the counter, withholding that sweet, juicy, fat-laden , 2,000 calorie heart-attack on three buns from my darling husband. I finished ordering and filled our drinks at the pop fountain. I walked off to find a table, while John carried his tray in stunned silence. I could see the light on, but nobody was home. I sat down and opened my salad. By the time I tore open the dressing, he was home again…I sat there, crunching and listening to him groan and grumble. He told everybody that would listen. He kept repeating. “Ok, That’s it, I’m not coming back again! I can’t believe it. Why would they get rid of such a popular item? What are they thinking?”

Then he said it! He said, “I’m gonna write a letter!”

Oh Lord, help me!

Now, you’ll have to excuse me as I am giving you the G Rated version of what actually happened.

I think that of all the companies that have upset him and purposely done him wrong, that your company takes the cake!

If your company is going to introduce a new item, and the people like it and it’s a good seller, why would you just stop making it? Isn’t the idea to give people what THEY want and then you get the money YOU want? Do you have any idea how your irresponsible business decisions affect marriages? If you personally went home and told your spouse that you had a surprise for them and let them get excited about it before telling them you had nothing….What do you think would happen? CHAOS! That’s what!

A simple menu change has caused undue amounts of stress in my life. Sometimes, I seriously cannot stop the shaking. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. The dreams are the worst. When the nightmares come, nobody in the house sleeps. I am so emotionally drained that there are days that I cannot fight myself to get out of bed.

If there’s one thing that could go a long way into making my summer, my life and my marriage whole again, would be for McDonald’s to bring back, permanently, the Grand Mac.

It’s such a small favor that I asked of you, but would be a huge deal to me and my family.

Please, please, please, bring back the Grand Mac!!!

Sincerely,

Gwynn McCauley-Boozer

Love, Gwynny

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